I’ve never really understood the people who will come into your life disturb your peace and initiate a relationship with you then go all cold turkey on you. They open up this whole new door of endless possibilities and make promises to you that they later fail to keep.
A person will drive you into thinking that they can give you all the happiness in the world only for them to be the greatest part of your misery. Do they understand how hard it is for a person with emotional trauma to open up and allow themselves to feel something for somebody else?
How the thought of them being heartbroken everytime they are involved with someone keeps them up at night? Or the fact that they keep repeating the same prayer to themselves everytime saying “Please Lord, do not let this one hurt me too”.
What comes over someone to even start something as big as a relationship with no intentions of doing the ground work and going all the way. A person will come putting up appearances acting as though they are ready to give you the best kind of love but they are only using all that sweetness as bait to lure you into the trap “relationship” and once you are in, out comes the real villain to show you what you are really in for.
There is nothing more difficult than trying to love someone harder with the hopes of them to changing, for them to love you as they said they would, pay attention to you like they promised to, care for you like a lover should.
Now you realize that you fell in love with the person they thought you wanted but now you are stuck with a person you could have never fell for, in the first place. And their love is out of reach, you start thinking about how you have yourself to blame for being naive enough to think someone will ever love you forever.
You start beating yourself up and fighting with parts of yourself that convinced you to tear your walls down because when are you ever going to learn? When will you understand that until they show you and deliver on their word you have to keep your guard up?
I hate it when that happens, I hate it when a person feels it’s okay to waltz into your life help you break down walls that took years to built then walk right back out because they cannot handle what is waiting on the other side.
I know you say “hurt people hurt people” but why do they always have to hurt the ones who have been through the depths of pain and healed. Why do they have to hurt the ones not emotionally strong enough to handle the neglect and lack of affection? Why can’t they work on parts of themselves that makes them feel like it is normal to hurt the ones you claim to love.
They are able to start the fire but when the flames start rising they run the other direction. Do not disturb me or even try to start shit with me if you know you can’t love me right. When you know you are still fighting demons that always propel you to run and hide when someone confronts them.
Do not promise me the whole river to drink when you yourself have not even a drop of water to drink. In simpler words do not start something you will not be willing to finish.
It is not fair to yourself self but most importantly it is not fair to the next person. For you to hurt them by trying to show them that you can love.