Lockdown Chronicles-Part 4

It is natural for you to feel neglected especially after 3 weeks without any attention or communication whatsoever, I know I would too. First of all let me apologize for going MIA, but I can promise you that it has been with good reason that I couldn’t update the blog on a weekly basis as I should. Also the fact that you are receiving this segment of my life in lockdown mode 2 weeks later, all I can say is that life has been hectic in terms of academics and business.

As students we have found ourselves introduced to a new and almost unconventional way of learning whereby everything we have known and are familiar with had to change, we are not expected to take classes virtually from the comfort of our own homes but the most challenging part for me is the fact that we will be taking our exams online and unsupervised. This method of assessment is new to me and has proved to be a bit challenging compared to the traditional way of written exams, my biggest concern is how anxious i have become just from the thought of these exams because I am not certain if i can handle the pressure and stay focused.

Therefore what has been going on is I have had to take time off from my writing and put a stop to all of my projects so that i can focus all of my energy and concentration on adapting to online learning while challenging myself mentally to be able to handle not only the pressure but to ground myself to a level where i am not too anxious to get through this phase of academic life. I have been struggling to maximize profits for my online business as most people have taken financial strain during this pandemic which is another thing I have been working on, trying to find new ways to generate leads and make sales.

Besides the things that have kept me busy I am doing well and my mental health hasn’t taken a rollercoaster ride in a while now. I am grateful for the support my family, friends and partner have given me during this time because their strength always keeps me going.

I know we are all going through something during this pandemic but remember to keep the faith and know that you are not alone we are in this together. Be kind to yourself and know that this too shall pass.

I don’t know when I will be able to post again or be back on schedule but when I do you’ll be the first to know.

Love and Light to you and yours. xx

I want a different type of love

 

I want a different type of love, the kind of love where you look at a person and you see your whole life right in front of your eyes and you cannot begin to imagine spending another second of your life without them.

The type of love we read about in novels and see in movies, I want that for myself and for every one of you.

I want a different type of love, the kind of love that catches you by surprise.

A love that is patient, kind and knows no conditions. The fairy-tale type of love where you basically trip and fall head over heels, and you can’t even explain how it all happened? But you know it in your mind and soul that you love the person with every inch of your body.

You know it because they are always on your mind and they are the first person you want to talk to when you wake up every morning and the last person you want to talk to before you go to sleep at night.

Because this person is your human dairy, your better half, your biggest fan but most of all they are your best friend and you can completely be yourself around them.

The kind of person who will never judge you and looks past your faults, a person who still thinks that you are perfect even when they have seen all your scars and flaws.

I know you know what I mean.

I want a different type of love, the love that John Legend and Ed Shereen always sing about. And as you listen and you sing along, you know for sure that you want to feel that way about a person.

To know how it feels to have your own personal person who makes you want to turn into a song writer or even a poet for you to able to put words together just to let the world know how crazy you are about this perfect human who makes your heart sing.

I want a different type of love, the kind of love that will get me through my dark times and when I am having a hard time dealing with my emotions, my better half can just embrace me and never call me crazy.

The kind of love where my person knows when to comfort me with words and when they just need to hold me tight and not say a thing.

Yes, I want a different type of love where we fight and make each other mad but at the end of it all we never forget how we feel about each other.

Where we can be playful, goofy and laugh with each other like little kids and when the time comes for us to be serious and have intense conversations the atmosphere is still the same.

I want that Romeo and Juliet type of love only in the end none of us dies but we love each other until the end comes. That Bonnie and Clyde, ride or die type of love.

I want a love where I do not lose myself but discover parts of me that I never knew existed.

I want the type of love that is stronger than any argument and disappointment. A love so powerful that even outside forces cannot shake.

I want a different type of love, a love where nothing else matters if we are together and have each other’s backs forever.

I think I might have found it, but I will let you know when I am certain.

I know we all deserve this type of love, and I hope you find it too.

Lockdown Chronicles-Part 3

For the first time in a long time, I stopped myself in the middle of a negative thought this week about how terrible things are going for me. I was never good at giving myself pep talks, it is different when it comes to other people because somehow, I always know the right things to say and when to say them. It seems I am very wise and motivational only not to myself but like I said this week, we are all about good vibes and positive thoughts, right? Maybe not.

The hardest thing for me and probably for most people during this pandemic is not having income to sustain yourself. The stress of not knowing where your next meal is going to come from, how you are going to pay the next bill or if you are even going to be able to make your rent payment to at least put a room over your head. That is part of your daily stress, besides the fact that being at home 24/7 with nothing to do.

No matter how positive we try to be, reality of the matter is we are struggling ang there is so little or nothing we can do about it. So, I have been frustrated and irritable most of the time this week at the fact that I cannot get back to civilization soon enough to find my feet again. It is unfair for anyone to expect happy thoughts from me at this point as I am drowning in my sorrows.

I hate being dependant on other people and being a centre of attention of the pity party people throw you at times like this. I appreciate you trying to be nice but just let me dwell in my misery so I can find my way out of it quickly. Most people mean well, and I will forever be grateful for that, but other people are just there to keep tabs on you, to see how far down they can kick you while you are down.

Usually I would do this thing every morning where I say one thing, I am grateful for in my life and lately it comes down to one thing and one thing only “to be alive”. I cannot seem to come up with anything else and it worries me a lot. This week has been quite a roller coaster for me because there have been a few moments when I thought things are getting better and suddenly that fades away and I think okay maybe not. We have received news that we will be moving to a less restricted phase of the lockdown and that is something right there but the concern around the issue of safety is still a big one. As going back to work would mean, being out in public with several people which then means being at a higher risk of contracting the virus, you see where the problem is?

However, this also means that we get to have our usual monthly income which we so dearly need, and we really can use. It is the thought of choosing between my health and livelihood that does not sit well with me right now. But it is a decision I will have to make when the time comes, I know things will never be the same again. I just need my daily dose of normal that will possibly bring back the positive and optimistic side of me.

In a nutshell this week has been a 4/10 and I hope the next few days things will get better with the new lockdown phase in place.

I hope you guys are doing much better than I am and remember to hang in there.

Stay home and stay safe, sending you love and virtual hugs xx

 

 

 

A poor woman’s prayer

Like a thief in the night hunger crawled into our lives.

Not even a bread  crumb to break amongst ourselves.

I remember the cries of my children as their stomachs rumbled from lack of something to eat.

A little too tired from the usual consumption of water because there is only so much room the water can fill.

A mother stranded with nowhere to run to and no one to aid me, She cries herself to sleep for her sorrows cannot be shared in broad daylight.

For during the day she has to put on a charade for her kids to believe that everything is well and that the poverty they find themselves in is not too bad and it is not here to stay.

Not giving up on her faith, she keeps on doing her daily prayer, a plea to the Lord to hear her. To send her a miracle for her children are slowly losing strength from lack of food.

Until when God? when will this suffering end? she constantly asks

Have I not been a good servant to you? what kind of prayers do you answer?

Is this the life that you planned for me to be slave of poverty and lack?

Am I unworthy of your mercy or have my prayers become redundant?

Are my kids being punished for my wrong doings?

Why Oh Lord must they suffer and sleep on empty stomachs, how can they possibly live on water?

Do it to me, let me suffer alone. Let hunger take me and not my kids.

I will even go on a fast for the rest of my life, if it means you will give my children some form of refugee.

I will serve you to the end of the world just to see my children eat.

I see no reason to live if my children are suffering, are you not the one who gave them to me? then why are you letting them perish? Are they not worthy of your blessings?

I have tried to follow every single commandment in your book hoping that someday it will earn me a spot in your good graces but nothing good has come of it.

I have nothing else to give, no more words to plead and no reason to keep my faith.

Why don’t you just take us?

Lockdown Chronicles-Part 2

Since the last time we interacted so much has changed and it is safe to say things took a better turn. I know it is a little early to say but I am having a much better week mentally and in terms of productivity, I did manage to submit 2/5 of my assignments which is great progress considering the last time we spoke I couldn’t bring myself to do anything.

I don’t know what changed exactly but I am guessing I had an epiphany that this life in isolation is going to be our new reality for a while. Hence I needed to get with the program and stop sulking. All may not be well in the world but things could be worse but I am healthy, alive and grateful to see yet another day with my family. I remembered the importance of gratitude especially for every little that I have.

The situation is what it is, I need to adapt and use what I have and just show up. Show up by completing every little task I have to and getting on with my life. Side note I even downloaded a task manager app to help me keep track of deadlines and I am doing well following it for now. I am hoping that I can keep the same attitude throughout but we are yet to see if I can stick to it. *crossing fingers*

I managed to squeeze in some writing as well for a project that I am currently working on (We can’t really discuss it right now) but it is something big and I bet you’ll love it. I just need to finish it in record time, considering my low energy levels the last few weeks I might have to delay it although I feel like if I continue the way I am doing this week I can make the deadline. Been working hard on getting sales for my online beauty business and making sure my team reach their weekly goals, things are a little tough on that end but we keep pushing.

I have been feeling a little overwhelmed by other people’s emotions lately, being the empath that I am. Certain people keep crossing my mind and I  keep feeling the need of checking on the same people and it is beginning to freak me out because these are not feelings of happiness or joy but sadness, worry and emptiness. It could be from all the tough times we are facing with this pandemic which is understandable. Personally I feel great and haven’t had one of those dark moments in a few days.

I have been productive and my energy levels are almost back to normal, I’d say I am having a pretty good week.

How are things going on your end? Have you been coping?

LOCKDOWN CHRONICLES

 

Ever since this lockdown has started I have lost all motivation to do just about anything, it is as if my brain has been completely shut out from all rationality and real life. I cannot explain it completely but I fail to be productive no matter how hard I try, the will to get things done is always there but the actual execution of the tasks is simply impossible.

It took me a week to gather enough strength to start working on my assignments and to work on my writing because I have been absent minded and all I can do is take a bath and put my PJs on, eat and binge watch some series this is my new every day routine. I take pleasure in being a potato couch whereas I have a lot of things to do.  My mental health has also taken a dive these days I have really low lows where I wake up and I just feel incredibly sad for no particular reason. I am always worried about something plus I am sleep deprived.

Sleeping at 4am and waking up around 8am seems to be the new thing for me, which I am not too pleased about because I wake up feeling cranky and tired almost every day. Part of the reason why I never get anything done, not sleeping enough means taking random naps during the day. I have tried positive thinking and exercising but there was no success there either, the little that I manage to get done takes a miracle.

While others are using this lockdown as a time to be productive and proactive,for me it has given me a reason to be lazy and take time to myself. I feel bad and guilty about it when I go to bed thinking about all of the things I could’ve done but that still doesn’t push me, nothing seem to help me stay motivated and focused.

How is the lockdown treating you? what is keeping you busy? how do you stay motivated?

Please do share some tips on how I can overcome this phase that I am going through.

You almost had me at hello

Most of my friends never understood why most of my potential relationships or love interests usually ended during the “talking phase” , you know the stage where we are still trying to get to know each other and we are selling each other this amazing picture of ourselves. This for me has always been a determining fact of whether I want to continue getting to know you or even pursue anything with you for that matter.

I know to you and to most of my friends this might sound like, I am being too picky or too quick to judge at this point but trust me this has saved me a lot of trouble before, this way I don’t waste my precious time and also I get to move on to much more deserving candidates. This is before I met the love of my life, I couldn’t have asked for a better partner, you see how important it is to be picky? You may just wind up just like me with the partner best suited for you.

Now back to the issue at hand,why did most of the men never went past the talking stage with me? Let me narrow it down to 5 reasons so you can have a much clearer picture:

1. The manner of approach.

This step is very crucial because it gains you entry for you to even be able to have a conversation with me or any lady for that matter. I think I speak for all the ladies when I say we love a respectful and courteous man, A man who knows how to present himself without feeling the need to be the biggest person in the room.

For starters, say we are in a club for an example and I am sitting with a group of my girls, but it is me that you are trying to talk to. How you address the situation in the room is very important this means that I am checking if you are going to greet them, acknowledge their presence, not going rudely to interrupt our conversation and if you are going to ask to talk to me politely.

You do not come at me, start grabbing me and force a conversation between us or be rude to my girls and expect me to even give you the time of day. So how you approach a lady should make an impression on them that will last until the next time they get to talk to you.

2. Poor communication skills.

Here I will be more focused on the actual getting to know each other side of things, this is when you finally have my attention and I am willing to learn more about you. There is actually a lot of turn offs on this one but for face to face interaction it can be little things like talking over people, interrupting people when they talk, not paying attention to what is being said to the point where I have to keep asking you if you heard what I am saying or you asking me to repeat myself over and over again. That is a NO and I never want to see you or hear from you ever again type of situation, I truly cannot stand any of those stuff.

We can even include terrible jokes, lack of sense of humour, lack of sarcasm, terrible spelling and grammar on texts. The list is endless but point of the matter is when I talk to someone, I want to stay entertained and engaged. Leave me wanting to speak some more and interested in you as a person also in our conversations.

3. Being ill mannered.

Ever sat across a person who chews with their mouth open and all you can focus on is how disgusting the food in their mouth is. It triggers me so much and I cannot stand it, that is something so basic but other people still can’t get it right. Another one is when you are talking to a person and they keep checking their phone or they are on their phone 95% of the time, it is not only rude, but it is disrespectful. It tells me that you are bored, or you have somewhere better that you would rather be.

I might as well take my bag and leave you to focus on your phone with peace. Being rude to waitresses or cashiers as well will send me through the door because I cannot stand people who are disrespectful and have no regard of other people’s feelings.

You can learn a lot about a person from the way he treats other people.

4. Lack of chivalry.

I am a 21st century woman who still gets excited when a guy pulls up a chair for me or lets me out the door first, this shows a lot of care and take charge attitude towards me but it doesn’t have to end there every woman wants a man who doesn’t only say the right things but backs them up with action as well. We want a person who can put the welfare of others before his own and can make sacrifices to make the other person happy.

There is nothing wrong with putting yourself first occasionally but don’t let everything be about you and your ego while stepping over everyone else. A lady wants to be made to feel like she is important and wants to be treated as such so try to show her you care.

A small gesture like calling me after a date can make me look forward to a second date. If a guy doesn’t know what chivalry is or how to act right towards women then he is not for me.

5. Being clingy

There is a difference between being persistent and being annoying, it is nice to have someone obsess over you a little, but you need to know when to draw the line. There is honestly no need for you to call me 7 times a day just to ask me how I am doing especially at the early stages of a possible relationship. I don’t want to be annoyed by you to a point where I start avoiding you and making sure that I come with excuses why we can’t talk or meet. You don’t have to come in too strong, just make your intentions known and let everything else flow naturally.

I get irritated very easily hence why I stopped taking calls from some of these dudes it was too much for me to handle all at once.

Not that any of them were not great catches in their own unique way, there were things that couldn’t be overlooked about them. Trust me if you get it wrong from the beginning, it sets the tone for the rest of the relationship. I didn’t want to be halfway into something and then I start feeling like I have made the biggest mistake of my life.

I was not looking for a perfect partner but someone I will be proud to be with and I could be genuinely happy to be around.

It’s okay to know what you want and knowing that it somewhere out there waiting for you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

LOCKDOWN 101

Now we all know how it feels to be trapped.

There is an epiphany that comes with experiencing a possible wipe out of the human race, that moment of uncertainty as to whether we will make it or not can knock some sense back to just about anyone. During the early days of this pandemic a lot of us were not aware of the seriousness of the situation because we thought that this is will probably blow over in a few weeks only to now realize that we are at risk of losing our lives or those of our loved ones.

We had good enough reason to be sceptical, I mean to think we slept in one world and woke up to a completely different one where the feeling of familiarity was next to none. It was as if everything we have ever know was nothing but a charade. To have known a world where you are free to roam around as you please and buy whatever your money can afford but suddenly you are locked away in isolation from the rest of what has always been your way of life. Everything that you considered a luxury or took for granted now becomes the very thing you look forward to getting back, post your release.

Now the line to the song “it’s a whole new world” makes perfect sense, I mean none of us has been here before or even cared for the next person as much as we do now. A world where basic hygiene manners such as washing our hands are taught as a away of life and are echoed from time to time to ensure that we do not forget. Who knew adults don’t understand the importance of washing their hands?

To a few of us being indoors day and night is nothing new but to some it is the worst thing to have happened to them. They started searching and searching for ways to kill time or to distract them from the issue at hand. Relationships with families rekindled as now we have enough time on our hands to get to know each other, of course we have been staying together for a long time but who knew you that you don’t take your coffee with milk or the fact that we have the same favourite TV show? All of this learnt in a matter of days once we moved past our usual ignorance of the little things in life.

If anything this lockdown state due to the pandemic taught us to be mindful, grateful , involved and to use our time wisely for others it even made them re-evaluate their goals. We thought we have everything figured out only to find out that we are not even close and we were taken back to the basics where we have always failed. Maybe we are getting a second chance and this time we need to do everything right.

Now that we know our weaknesses , mistakes and faults we need to fix our errors to move forth as a much better and wiser people.

P.S : Let us remain calm during this time and stay indoors along with our families, AVOID unnecessary movement and take all the necessary health precautions for our own safety.

Love and light to you and yours during this time xx

Where did we go wrong?

 

Sometimes I wonder what we did as the human race to upset the universe. Is it one particular reason or is it countless reasons of all the bad things we constantly do or say?but who do we ask? how do we know?

Is there a person of higher authority we can take it up with perhaps a manager? I don’t know about you but I’ll even speak to the supervisor at this point because there should be a reason why the world is going through terrifying times.

Which brings me to my question, does anyone know how we can appease the universe? Maybe then we will find a solution, it could have been right in front of us the whole time but our ignorance for the little things in life and being ungrateful could be blinding us.

Each and everyone of us walks through life with this idea in their mind that this how they are supposed to live, it is almost as if we bought the same product but each one comes with a different user manual so we proceed with what is written in ours disregarding the fact that we are all in ownership of the same thing.

It makes me think about the saying “Birds of a same feather flock together, until the cat comes”. Loosely translated to we have been living with each other almost in harmony and now that trouble is brewing everyone is looking out for themselves (which is not a terrible thing) and forgets about others.

There comes a time where we have to put ourselves first but we do not have to be insensitive to the situation of the next person and forget the fact that circumstances are not the same for all. Go about your business without making the next person feel terrible about who they are or where they find themselves at any point in life while we go through this epidemic.

This could be a way of the universe reminding us of things that matter the most like the importance of time, humanity and unity things we take for granted and fail to practice amongst ourselves.

This could be the time where we sit down and regroup, decide on how we move forward together. Decide on what to do from here, do we still continue the same way we’ve been doing things or do we stand together as a united front to overcome the challenge that life has thrown at us.

Once we are out of the woods do we forget what we almost lost? or do we appreciate it more and that could possibly be a way to appease the universe.

Let me remind you that united we stand but divided we fall, now it’s up to us to choose what we do right now. While we are still trying to figure out where we went wrong.

 

 

 

Helping your kids deal with anxiety.

In one of my quests of finding more tips and ways to deal with my crippling anxiety, I came across quite a few articles that spoke particularly on how kids also suffer from anxiety. I found out that 1 in 3 children have anxiety and possible behaviour problems, this is from age 2 to 17.

As an adult I am barely coping, I cannot begin to imagine what a 2 year old would be going through while they don’t even have an idea what is happening to them and not knowing how to ask for help. After reading up on such articles it occurred to me that anxiety is more common in children than I actually expected.

It can be quite confusing for a parent raising a child with anxiety in terms of not knowing how to treat them or how to help them identify their triggers. Kids act out almost all the time but finding that fine line between them throwing a tantrum and them actually having a panic attack is incredibly difficult.

This is where you need to monitor their behaviour and moods when around certain people or at certain places and even when they are doing different activities. This is the first step you need to take before going to the doctor to seek out a professional opinion, to confirm your suspicions if I can put it that way. I have a 11 year old niece who also suffers from anxiety, she is very irritable and gets angry so quickly .

I have never seen a child worry like she does also it affects her level of concentration when it comes to school work but at the beginning we all thought it is normal at her age but we got to realize at a much later stage that it is more intense.  After a few out of control out bursts and her crying all the time for little or no reason at all, I started seeing myself in her and made my sister aware before we took the matter under advisement with the GP. Imagine how hard it is for such a child to play with others because of her unstable emotions.

My first instinct as her aunt was to shield and protect her, limiting her interactions with large groups of children or unfamiliar faces which made no sense as she had to be able to adapt for the purpose of school. With that in mind I had to find ways to help her cope besides the medication of course.

This is when I found these activities she could do with her siblings and friends to help her manage the symptoms while interacting and engaging with her peers.

There are quite a number of interesting ones that I found but I narrowed the list down to top 3 :

1. Emotional Stress Ball Balloons.

I found this very interesting and exciting because it teaches your child about different emotions. This is basically balloons filled with flour with different facial expressions drawn on them.

All you need for them is same colour balloons, flour, a funnel and a black permanent marker.

How to make them : 

You need to insert your funnel into the opening of the balloon, you may need to stretch it out a little then scoop flour into it. Shake it down until it is filled and tie a knot then draw a face with your black marker. Repeat the steps until you have a few different faces on your balloons, you can get create and add any extras to make it fun.

How to use them:

Now all you have to do is go over through them with your kids telling them which balloon represents which emotion. For example a smiley face is for being happy or a frowning face is for being sad.

You can keep these and everyday after school maybe get your child to pick a balloon that represents how they are feeling for the day.

2. Chill out glitter jar.

This a very creative way to teach your child about mindfulness. It gives them time to calm down and focus on what is going on around them.

Watching glitter swirl all the way to the bottom of the jar will gave them time to regain control of their feelings and calm down, it shifts their focus from the anger, sadness and stress.

It is easy to make you just need a jar (plastic or glass) with tight lids or plastic water bottles, 1/2 cup glitter glue, distilled water and hot glue gun.

How to make it :

•  Pour 1/2 cup of distilled water into the jar or bottle.
•  Let your kids pour 1/2 cup of glitter glue into the jar or bottle.
•  Fill up the remainder of the jar or bottle with distilled water.
• Use the hot glue gun to squeeze a circle of glue around the lid of the jar and press it onto the jar then secure the lid.
•  Shake the jar well a few times to distribute the glitter and let it rest overnight.

How to use it:

When it is all ready get your child to sit down comfortably make them flip the jar and let them focus on the swirl of the glitter as it sinks while breathing in and out. As the glitter settles and the water clears they will be much more in control of their emotions.

3.  Calming count box

This one also helps with mindfulness and helping your child to remain calm when they feel stressed or overwhelmed.

You don’t need too many supplies and nothing expensive to me it just a tissue box with  and pompom balls.

How to make it :

Cut out a hole on the lid of the box big enough for the pompom balls to fit.

How to use it:

To use this let your kids place both the box and balls on a table,let them count as they place each ball into the box while taking a deep breath. After that they can start taking out same colour balls placing them on the table in their groups.

Now they are focused on the task at hand and are having fun. Every time they are having a moment reach for the box and let the counting begin.

These are fun ways to teach your kids how to control their emotions and the art of breathing which is very important when dealing with anxiety.

I hope you will try them out and find them helpful. Do share more of your ideas in the comments section for everyone who might need them.